Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
