I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
