Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
