She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
