I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
