Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
