I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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