yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
