hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
