i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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