my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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