i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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