the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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