before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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