There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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