You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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