I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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