nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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