My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize