i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize