every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
