Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
