Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
