you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just gargled with NyQuil
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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