I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize