When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
