I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize