belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
