And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
