Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
