What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
