**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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