I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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