your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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