the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
