i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
