so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
