i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize