Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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