I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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