She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
