after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
