Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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