we're blogging at a bar
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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