Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
