so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
