Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
