It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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