you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
