Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
