I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
