Don't you send me to vm
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
