I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
