It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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