just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize