She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
