i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
