come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
