You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
