i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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