Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
