Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
did you just send me my own nude
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
