We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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