look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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