You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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