his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
