Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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