It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
