You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize