omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
