What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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