Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
