She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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