I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
how drunk are you?
Several
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
