Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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