He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm passing your future prison.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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