Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
