So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
