I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
