WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
