week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
