How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
