people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
