careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
