If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
