I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my being single is dangerous.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
