the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
