If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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