I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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