Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
