you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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