if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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