My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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